Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us.
1 John 17-19
God be in my head
God be in my head And in my understanding; God be in myne eyes, And in my looking; God be in my mouth And in my speaking; God be in my heart, And in my thynking; God be at my end, And at my departing. The Sarum Missal (11th century English origin)
Take delight in their delight
Earlier this year, a simple but profound piece of advice was given to me. This slice of very practical wisdom was handed to my teacher by his teacher as they trod the strange social rubble of the British Isles. After many years spent in foreign lands, I am back in this very same rubble, though it is now in a more conspicuous state of decay than it was a decade ago.
I seek a certain depth of interaction, and have tended to find the majority of social situations less than satisfying. On many occasions, I have come away with a mild but lingering disappointment. This disappointment doesn’t originate in being perturbed by the sense that I am an outsider. I no longer attribute this ‘status’ to fatal character flaws or social ineptness – I know that I am simply here doing something different. But how do I connect? How do I feel into the human interactions that are placed in front of me?
I forget about my own personal enjoyment and satisfaction.
Instead, I take delight in their delight.
This sweet and simple little sentence has transformed a sense of lack into one of fullness. It is gently kicking out remnants of my own egoic disdain towards humanity. It has created another little chink in my falsely constructed armour of self. When I practice opening my heart to the delight of another human being, I am touched by the joy that I encounter. It is a beautiful, simple exchange. In forgetting about my own fulfilment, my fulfilment increases.
Inevitably, there are times when the levels of delight in the external theatre are low. There is only act, gloss and performance in the name of social lubrication. What now? What if the behaviours being presented are destructive or disharmonious?
“Forgive them father for they know not what they do”
Answers in the bible, by way of a wise and articulate friend of mine. This phrase acknowledges and requests penance for the sorrow of unconscious human operation. How perfectly apt. Shifting it into the first person and directing it back to a young, rage-filled self feels healing. Applying it in moments where one’s own conduct could be improved is humbling.
“Forgive me father for I know not what I do”
These two approaches of delight and forgiveness form a perfect compliment to one another. They are helping me to step out of my hermit’s nest more often and with greater willingness. They bring an increased sense of lightness to my days, which is a blessing in these strange times.
With gratitude to Mother Hodge
After Curiosity
Curiosity is indeed a good place to start. Endless technicolour adventures are to be found in the realm of curiosity, and many doorways present themselves. There is plenty to occupy the inquisitive heart and the opening mind, much of goodness too. However, curiousity also appears to be a destination. It is a place where many stop, where stalemate is common place.
What is it that stops the stopping in certain individuals? Are some born with inate qualities that provide an extra blast of spiritual jetfuel to propel them through those doorways and upward? Can we thank the attainments of our previous rounds on Earth for foundations laid out for us?
Among those who are committed, there are common themes. I observe and discuss these patterns amongst my little circle of peers, so for now I will speak of a ‘we’. Two notable components are a great willingness to take risks and a mighty capacity for chanelling the upheaval of repeated change. Within this, there is an ability to handle the extreme poles of the personal growth tide: gradual, sloth-pace changes to self and dramatic collapsing of identity. There is a constant shedding and recompiling of both the exterior shell and the interior components, again and again and again.
No matter at what age we realise or are first able to articulate what it is we are doing, there has always been a nagging feeling that something was not right, that what we are being handed under the labels of ‘real and important’ smells funny. Something is rotten, so experiments in living differently ensue. Motivated by a burning desire to avoid glaring compromise and the feeling of having entered into a faustian pact, we ask ourselves often what our vision of authentic living might look like. We end up in some funny places, but those are the stories reserved for face-to-face encounters…
We do not follow the routines that society expects us to adhere to, and sometimes we find ourselves in hostile territory. At times it is necessary to step back in order to go within and observe from a different vantage point, to close the curtains or retreat into the forest. Our unexpected, wild paths send us off the map, over cliff edges and into deep water. When we find ourselves in these unpleasant, pain filled places, we do not turn away. When the strength is found to chart every millimetre of the human-experience-terrain, an incredible source of learning is discovered at the extremes.
This trajectory makes for an individual who appears hard to pin down. Inevitably, we become un-locatable to family and old friends. They no longer know where we are, and separation occurs. As we continue to walk, the desire to place ourselves in God’s hands grows, even when we don’t fully know what that looks or feels like. The ego-driver has to be constantly reminded that it is not really in charge. With many of the more determined, fierce, individuals this is one of the most relentess tasks undertaken. We offer ourselves regular reminders. TWnmBD. Discipline and letting go simultaneously.
Being a walking question mark 