I have found myself asking for guidance often of late. With thought absent, I pick a book from the shelf and allow my fingers to choose a page. Time and again, guidance comes. The divine hand waves to greet me. Even when the days have a hard edge, small confirmations like these encourage my faith to grow.
I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections. And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill. I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self, and the wounds to the soul take a long, long time, only time can help and patience, and a certain difficult repentance, long, difficult repentance, realization of life’s mistake, and the freeing oneself from the endless repetition of the mistake which mankind at large has chosen to sanctify.
Through C.S. Lewis and my supernal sister A.H, I have discovered the writings of George Macdonald. George Macdonald (1824-1905) was a Scottish author and occasional minister. He is described by C.S Lewis as being the man who “batized his imagination” and led him out of atheism and towards God.
Every word from Macdonald drips with wisdom and sincerity. I find myself reading and re-reading each sentence. When I listen to his words, I have to drop everything and give him my complete focus. The depth and richness of his understanding and the devotion that you can feel in his work is quite staggering.
Just look at this man. What beauty.
"Faith is that which, knowing the Lord’s will, goes and does it; or, not knowing it, stands and waits... But to put God to the question in any other way than by saying, ‘What wilt thou have me to do?’ is an attempt to compel God to declare Himself, or to hasten His work... The man is therein dissociating himself from God so far that, instead of acting by the divine will from within, he acts in God’s face as it were, to see what He will do. Man’s first business is, ‘What does God want me to do?’, not ‘What will God do if I do so and so?’”