With our lives

"Not until we are able to join the Master and the mystics in the Garden and say, not only with our lips but with our lives, "Not my will but Thine be done," shall we even begin to know what Christianity really is, for the way of the mystics is the way of the divine life, every son of which might take for his motto that great word uttered by one of the old German saints, "I want to be to the Eternal Goodness what a man's right arm is to a man."" 

- Thomas LeRoy Haywood, Christian Mysticism and Other Essays

Blessed be Your name

CHRIST: My child, let My will be your guide. I know what is best for you. Your understanding is human and your judgement is affected by your personal concerns.

DISCIPLE: Lord, what You say is true. Your concern will order my life better than I can myself. Those who do not place their anxiety on You will be very insecure. Lord, keep my will steadfast and true to You. Do with me whatever you please, for everything is good which comes to me through Your will. If you want me to be in darkness, blessed be your name. If it is light, blessed be your name. If You grant me comfort, blessed be Your name. If You wish to test me, blessed be your name forever.

Thomas à Kempis - The Imitation of Christ

House of cards

God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn’t. In this trial he makes us occupy the dock, the witness box and the bench all at once. He always knew that my temple was a house of cards. His only way of making me realize the fact was to knock it down.

C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

Graven image

I made an idol of my life - 
my expression, 
my activity, 
my achievement.

I polished, perfected 
and worshipped my creations, 
failing to notice that my gifts
were a gift. 

I rightly shored up
my fortress from attack, 
with acts of independence
and power. 

But with such armaments,
my heart was incarcerated -
all forms became hollow 
and dry. 

So my folly was exposed 
in a thousand myriad ways, 
as a choreographed play 
of counterfeit control. 

As the last in line 
of the daughters of Eve,
it was strange relief 
to submit and accept: 
my weakness, 
my fragility, 
my dependence.

I am now as I always was - 
helpless unless carried 
by the stream 
of the living Spirit. 

6th September 2020, Somerset, England
With thanks to the exhortation of A.Ha.